shocking, I know...

but I'm actually not at sugarhouse coffee!!
I'm at coffee break. hahaha. So have you ever walked outside and the weather and lighting somehow reminds you of a certain memory or time in your life? That happened to me yesterday afternoon... It was kind of strange lighting, and it was just barely warm... It reminded me so much of camping in the Ruby Mountains when I was little. Once while we were there there were some boys who caught a bunch of river snakes and gave one of them to my friend Alana and me. It seemed like the coolest thing ever at the time. Since then I've touched a lot of snakes though...

Last night I finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It was really good, I would definitely recommend it to anyone who loves mystery novels. I was extremely frustrated that I couldn't figure out how the girl disappeared, which I suppose is a good thing, but still. There was plenty of suspense and a ton of foreshadowing... though still not enough to give it away. I never would have been able to guess the ending.

I'm excited to start going boating again!! If this horrid rain stops, we're going on Monday (: daisy dukes bikinis on top!! I just love the sun... Unfortunately this is Utah and the weather changes every five minutes. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now. And I wish for summer. True summer.

Anyway, let's just say for a minute that the earth were flat and the universe were still centered around the sun... That's how I feel at the moment: like an object moving through space with too much surface resistance to actually get anywhere. That makes a lot more sense in my head. I'm just stuck. I can't write anything worth reading, and I can't listen to half my music ((my laptop was kindly broken by my little brother and I haven't transferred all my music onto this one yet)) except on my iPod which is currently dead.

I planned on dying my hair dark cherry chocolate colour ((reddish brown, if you prefer...)) but after I bleached it and washed the bleach out my hair was pretty fried. It ended up a reddish brown & blonde colour so I'm pretty content with it. I definitely like dark brown better though... I've never really approved of blonde asians, and this isn't really blonde, but it's pretty close...

I've been pretty lonely lately... not in the sense that I have no one to hang out with, but more that I don't have anyone to do anything more than hang out with. Let's rephrase: I need somebody to love.
((insert Donkeyboy song "Sometimes" here; but sometimes I need somebody who can make me feel all right, shades me from the streetlight, I'm breaking up, I need someone who needs somebody now.))
There's a huge difference in my definitions of lonely and alone. Alone is when you're completely empty--you have friends, but no one to be there for you, or even to fancy being there for you. Lonely is when you're just longing for someone's company. I'm not alone, I guess... but definitely lonely.

I'm reading Candide by Voltaire again for the first time since 7th grade. I've got to admit, it makes a ton more sense now than it did then. It brings up a lot of the same points as Plato's books, as well as books about Darwinism, but it does it in a completely different way, which makes it worth reading. I've always been a sucker for books with actual stories.

"Alas, it was love; love, the comfort of the human species; love, the preserver of the universe, the soul of all sensible beings; love, tender love!' ~Pangloss in Candide. 

Can you beat that? Destroyed by the one he loved. Don't know the story? well read it. What's a good book? I'm running out of things to read... Oh well, I'll just buy something and read it on the Kindle app on my iPod again (: I tend to be doing that a lot lately. So give me recommendations? good plan is good (:

audio ventus.♥

I stayed awake through the night again...

Replaying that night through my head...
I swear Letters & Lights songs get stuck in my head so often!! Well, I'm sitting here at sugarhouse coffee again... It isn't like I blog from anywhere else, you know... 24 oz iced americano with cream. story of my life. Anyway, SPA's prom was last night. It wasn't really last night but it feels like it since I didn't sleep last night... All right, so Saturday night was SPA's prom. We were out playing in the park at 10 am and prom ended at 11 pm. Then Sidni and Bobby and I went and took pictures with the city lights in the background up by Bailie's house if you know where that is... Good times (: Jeremy was my date. It was a lot of fun... I was exhausted afterward!! I took a ton of pictures, but unfortunately, I cannot find my camera cord ANYWHERE!! I searched for almost two hours straight... Oh well, it'll show up eventually; everything does with time.

Let's move on to books... I'm currently in the last section of Darwin's Black Box. It covers a lot of things that Darwin's Cathedral didn't. Most of the chapters go into excruciating detail on examples of theories or directly quote researchers' papers, so I don't really know how to summarize it. Let's just say that I've never been more glad that my blood clots correctly and that Bombardier beetles don't live in Utah.

Actually we'll describe those for a bit. Bombardier beetles are probably the most exciting bugs about which I've ever read. Not that I read about bugs very often, but you catch my drift. These bugs have developed a system in which they mix hydroquinine and hydrogen peroxide and then add catalase. The catalase causes the mixture to explode and heat up to a boiling temperature which is then released onto any threatening predator. Crazy right? I think so. I've probably learned more biology and biochemistry from this book than I have in all my years of school put together. Sad.

The other night I took the time to re-read Plato's The Symposium. It goes up pretty high on my all time favourite books list, right with The Republic and Candide ((by Voltaire... fellow coffee addicts unite!! Did you know Voltaire used to drink up to 70 cups of coffee a day? He thought it sparked his creativity.)). In The Symposium a lot of different arguments are brought up on the subject of Love, and Socrates' argument comes second to last. In case you didn't know, Plato always wrote in dialogue ((hence the term "Platonic dialogue")) because he didn't trust anything portrayed other than through speech. Each one of the men present at the symposium bring up different arguments, but I'm not going to describe them; you should take the time to read the arguments sometime yourself. However, I will throw in some mythology since it seems to be getting quoted quite a lot lately. It's an interesting twist on creation. Basically what Aristophanes, one of the speakers, describes is an alternative creation in which each human being was more circular and had two heads, four arms, four legs, etc. There were originally three sexes, male, female, and androgynous. Zeus was unhappy with their disobedience and their lack of sacrifice, so he struck each being in half with lighting bolts. Each being walked around bleeding from the center until Zeus took pity on them and had Apollo close them like drawstring bags, leaving only a small indentation on their stomachs as a reminder of their punishment. Each half-being wandered the earth searching for their other part, the males searching for males, the females searching for females, and the androgynous beings each searching for their counterpart. In this way, Aristophanes gives an explanation for homosexuality, which is later discussed by the men, stating that, "Those who are cut from the male gender go for males. While they are boys, because they are slices of the male gender, they are attracted to men and enjoy sleeping with men and being embraced by them. These are the best of their generation, both as boys and young men, because they are naturally the bravest. ... Here is clear evidence that this: men like this are the only ones who, when grown up, end up as politicians." Isn't it interesting how society has changed? Especially in Utah, where people get arrested for kissing on Temple grounds...

That's all for now, since I want to read more... Let's end on a note of jewelry shall we? My August birthstones are peridot, sardonyx, diamonds, onyx,& tourmaline. As a Leo, my Zodiac birthstone is onyx. I wear an onyx ring on my right index finger. Some of the powers onyx is said to hold include eliminating negative thoughts, relieving stress, promoting spiritual inspiration, and sharpening the wits. Sounds like a good plan right? I think so. You should go look up your birthstones too!!

Shoutout to Sara Best for reading my blog (: you're pretty dank.
Don't ask. Just know I love you dearly!!

audioventus.♥

do not block crosswalk...

still at sugarhouse. stillllllll at sugarhouse.
I moved up to the top level in order to not be around so many noisy old people
for some reason there were a lot of noisy old people down there....
"Do Not Block Crosswalk" was the first thing I saw when I opened up a new post, so that's the title of this. Spontaneous. Kind of like my thoughts when I haven't slept. You know how it goes.
I'm now drinking a dirty chai. It's lovely. A bit sweet though, and super expensive... sigh. so much money spent today!!
ON NOTHING BUT COFFEE. how awful.

Okay. So I made my dress for Highland's prom. It turned out really well, considering I had two days.

That is the dress!!! And... I'm on the right. Far right. Just in case you didn't know. And looook at that corsage! (:

Back to whatever I wasn't really saying. I have successfully completed the first chapter of my BYU Chemistry packet. Have I expressed before how much I hate Chemistry? I hate it. A lot. I hate it with a deep, fiery, burning passion. It's all ridiculous. I'm never going to need to know the ....no I'm never going to need to know most of it. No one really cares about it. Unless you're a chemist. In which case, kudos to you, cause you obviously have some sort of willpower that I lack.

It's almost 2 o clock... that means I'll have been here for six hours. That's not even remotely okay. I'll leave soon... I'm hungry, and I don't want to buy myself food. Not at all. I really do need a job... I really wish someone would hire me underage. I wish I had my driver's license and a car. These are all things that would benefit my life greatly. I don't understand how people are so patient with age.

I created a facebook page for my band, Idyll Rigamarole, the other day. We don't have all that many fans... Which makes me quite sad. But it takes time, I suppose. Unfortunately, we don't have all that much time. The album is set to come out in July, and I don't know what is going to happen after that since the whole thing is through a program, and half our band is going off to college... Here's a picture of the band:

pretty hot right? you know you want to come to all our shows now (:
**cough** May 15th at Nobrow Coffee @ 7 pm. Be there. **cough**

I have absolutely nothing intelligent to say.
Still. I'm just rambling.
I apologize.

audio ventus.♥

and here we go...((full of angst.))

live it loud.
Well, I'm sitting in Sugarhouse coffee again. Earlier than EVER. Anyway, my whole morning has been SHIT. I try not to swear on this blog for fear of offending unknown people I don't care about ((that doesn't make sense, I just feel like it's more professional to not swear...))

(((dear reader, skip to next break if you don't want to read my pointless thoughts ramble mindlessly aiming chocolate photography nail polish navy blue.... what was I talking about?)))
I guess it would have helped to actually sleep last night but I'm not tired at all, wasn't tired at all, won't be tired for a good twelve hours. That's just how I work. Basically I got up, got dressed, did hair & makeup, ate a banana, did three shots of espresso since the fourth one got knocked over by my dog, wrestled my bike out of the storage room in my garage, froze my hands off on the way to coffee garden, spent $7 on coffee there including one mocha with a ton of extra sugar for my friend, started toward highland, coffee spilled all over my purse from Argentina, spilled all over my TOMS or rather one of my TOMS ((that's okay, it kind of gives them character.)) made it to 2100 S, coffee spilled again, decided it wasn't worth it, turned around and came here.
This is all ridiculous. It really isn't that ridiculous but I wasted $7, then paid another $3 for ANOTHER coffee. THAT is ridiculous. I should have just gone to coffee break in the first place.
So here's the scoop:
Saturday I rode my bike 14 miles. That might be why I have no patience for it today. It was a spontaneous ride and I loved it, but I'm still sore from it. I got a few pictures in, but then I ran out of film... I spent most of the day riding with my best friend and we had about ten dollars for the day. We went to sugarhouse on our bikes, got Wendy's for like $3, then wandered through Toys R Us, then went to Shopko and spent the best $7 of my life. We got a huge bag of PixyStix, some other new disgusting Wonka candy, and lollipops. The lollipops mostly ended up on the side of Toys R Us cause we crushed them against the brick wall... because they were absolutely revolting. It was basically corn syrup. ...just corn syrup. But we ate part of them just for the hell of it. I swear, I eat the worst food ever while I'm with Sidni. Maybe I'm just more conscious of it while I'm with her... Oh well.
Here's my train of thought:
..................~...........3............f.................w.............?............z........>......(..............$........$....$.....%.......t........k.........w............b............n.......x..........ugh.
Also, this packet I have to do for Chemistry ((BYU packet)) is horrid.
I want to take a gun and shoot multiple bullets through the binder.
Actually... just through the paper. The binder has done me no harm. In fact, it's quite a lovely binder.

All right here's some ((kind of)) intelligent sounding stuff. Not really. I really want Urban Decay purple lipstick, I've decided. I got some dark purple lipstick the other day and I absolutely adore it.
 ((I've also come to the realization that I really like the word "absolutely" even though it's not really what I mean. I tend to use a lot of words like that.... So whenever I say "absolutely _______" you should know I just mean "really, really _______" because I don't believe anything can ever be absolute unless you believe in a god.)) Nothing is really all that more attractive about Urban Decay lipstick other than the fact that it's got a really cute tube, the name reminds me of when I was a little kid ((all right, I'm still a little kid, LET IT GO PEOPLE!!!)) and it's vegan. And I'm not vegan. I'm vegetarian. But I still like the idea of it. Just like I really, really absolutely want vegan shoes!!

They're kind of... scary looking. But again, love the idea! And the flower at the end of the top one is super cute!! There are different designs too.
Here's the thing about going vegan though:
In my personal opinion, all it takes is a person deciding to go vegan and basically starving themselves because there are not all that many options of food. All right, you might be hardcore and really do your research and have the money to ensure every thing that goes into your mouth has never touched meat. But who has that kind of money and still wants to go vegan? I mean, you've got to have your own silverware that has never touched meat, own fridge, own glasses... Who wants to do that? I'm so tired of kids younger than I am going around telling people they're vegan. Kids at my high school too. Why is it so appealing?
I'm vegetarian, all right, no it's not for the animals, yes I respect animals, no I don't think animal cruelty is right, yes I think some things could be done differently on both sides, no I don't do it just to tell people, yes I have been vegetarian for more than a year ((it's actually almost been two now...)) and no I don't care if you eat meat. Here's what people need to understand: I'm going to go off and do my own thing for my own reasons, and I'll respect them enough to let them do the same for themselves. Go ahead and suggest things for me, I'm always open to opinions, but do not force your opinion upon me. Cause it'll just make me want to punch you in the face. Promise.
On to music... I really do like all genres of music. I think anyone can like any type of music if they give it enough of a chance... except maybe screamo. I can see that really hurting people's ears... Personally I think it's kind of relaxing and a release, but like I said, you can have your opinion, and I'll keep mine. I dislike certain artists because of their lyrics or their voice just rubs me the wrong way or other completely explainable reasons. I hate when people ask what kind of music another person likes and that person replies, "Oh, I like everything... except ______." Ask that person what music of that genre they've tried to listen to in their library, they'll probably come up blank except for a random song to which they have probably only half listened. I used to say I hated the Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, Spice Girls, N*SYNC, et cetera. One day I put the time into actually listening to some of them--they really aren't all that bad. Even if the image is rough, these are people who are giving it their all to perform and record these songs. I think if a song really means enough to a person to write it and record it, it's worth the three minutes to hear what they have to say.
I'll stop writing for now since I've got to go get another coffee... wooooo more money...
And I'm going to be here all day. And this is the only place from which I blog. ((yay for correct grammar... me learn-ed englisch goodly on highland high school yeah?)) plus me can end blog in final note who soundses goodly way for to end paragraph. that was end.

audio ventus.

“and let them pass,

as they will too soon

with the bean flower’s bean

and the blackbirds tune

and May and June”

 Robert Browning

Dear Utah... 

STOP HAVING SUCH BIPOLAR WEATHER!!!!!

that's all for now.

audio ventus.♥